Friday, June 10, 2011


I've been avoiding posting for some time now. It's not that I've been busy. In fact, I haven't done much of anything for almost two weeks now. I've finally got the hang of this relaxing thing. And it's made me do some thinking.

Like I said, for the past week or two, I've been extremely lazy. This means getting up at noon, not showering, watching TV for hours, not looking for a job, and not looking at used cars for sale. I only do what I want to do. At first it was nice - I enjoyed loafing around without any responsibilities. But now I'm beginning to feel a bit...I don't know...dead. I'm starting to wonder if a little discipline in my life wouldn't be all that bad. Maybe taking care of myself means actually putting effort into my life instead of just doing whatever feels best at the moment. I learned this the hard way my last year of school when I put on a lot of weight. I was so stressed and unhappy that I just allowed myself to eat for comfort. What gratified me in the short term left me feeling miserable in the long term. I needed some self-control.

Now, I know, this seems like a stupid lesson. Of course you can't just do what you want all the time. Life requires sacrifices! But realize that I've been living most of my life in hyper-discipline mode. If I didn't get all A's, I was lazy. If I didn't spend time with God daily, I was a bad person. If I didn't invest in my friends, I was selfish. On and on. It was just exhausting. And so I chose the opposite side of the spectrum as a remedy to this burnout.

As cliche as it sounds, I need to learn the principle of moderation. I want to feel happy and fulfilled, and that doesn't come either from hyper-diligence or from complete self-centered living. Some sort of exercise of will is needed to give my life meaning. Life actually takes effort to truly be lived.


  1. Moderation is good -- especially in drinking! Are you going to have a drink at M and A's b-day dinner?

  2. This is uncanny and cool. My next post is on eating, exercise and heath. My husband and I both have an addictive personalities and swing back and forth between good choices and bad ones. My mom is now living with us for a while and my family is bringing in all this crap-food and I'm eating it and undoing a 30 lb weight lost I've recently achieved. I went out for a short jog and had a stretch today, feel much better. Got a little KFC out of my system...

    It sounds like you are figuring it out pretty well. It's good for you to throw off the perfectionist shackles. Your body and mind are telling you when it's a too much and what you need to do. You'll find the balance.

    Look at my blog sometime, should have the post entitled "Devil's Food" on it by tomorrow morning.

  3. I've come to the conlcusion that hyper-ANYTHING is bad. Even Hyper-Jesus

  4. I often tell my husband, "I just want to do what I want to do!" It's pretty much his least favorite phrase. I'm terrible with self-discipline, and I went through a similar uberlazy phase after I quit teaching a few years ago. Took me a while to figure out my next move, but once I did, there was a sea change in my attitude. This isn't permanent! :)

  5. Sometimes we have to swing from one side to the next to feel it's effects. As a perfectionist, it is hard to let myself be lazy. But I'm learning that sometimes taking it easy, even being "lazy" is just a storing-up for having renewed energy and enthusiasm. I love how you're paying attention to what is happening inside you. Cool.

  6. Hi, I'm a new follower and I love your honesty. It's refreshing and real! I think we'll get along great!