Wednesday, May 25, 2011


I'm starting to not post everyday... I find I just don't have much to say. Maybe a blog was a silly idea after all. Besides, I'm basically just talking to myself on here...

Anyway, I couldn't bring myself to do much of anything today. I woke up, ate breakfast, and then promptly went back to bed until after noon. But the especially good part was, I had a kitty with me. I don't know if everyone feels this way, but I always want animals to like me. When my grandma had a horse for a brief period, I would always approach the fence and call out to her, expecting to be a horse whisperer or something. It's the same with my cats. When I got home from college and my dad's cat immediately wanted me to pet her, I felt so loved. Like a cat wanting to be around me makes me a good person or something. Never mind that she only likes me for what she can get out of me. So, when one of my mom's cats stayed on my bed after I forcibly put her on there, I was elated.

This sounds cliche, but animals just feel so much safer than people. Sure, they love you because you take care of them, but it's so easy to feel special when they cuddle up next to you and want to be petted. They're kind of like kids in their shameless desire to be waited upon. Only I like pets way more than I like children. It's just so much easier to be yourself around your pets than it is around other people. They won't judge you or think you're weird. They don't care as long as you pet them and feed them!

Maybe the reason that human relationships frustrate me so much is that they require so much effort. Call me mean, but sometimes I just don't really care about other people's lives. I just want to feel loved! I'm sure the easy answer to this dilemma is to turn to God. He's supposed to be the one to love us even when we don't love him. But I just don't see this in my life. Sure, I've had a few answered prayers, but I've never felt an overwhelming sense of love from the Almighty. So either I'm not listening or he's not talking... and I'm tired of it being my fault. It's not pretty, but that's the truth.


  1. Maybe you should get your OWN kitty. Be reckless. You could call him Saily 2. I'd pay for it. Might give you something to be passionate about

  2. I relate to you so much! I'm 55 and forgot to have children. I prefer animals to babies, don't even want to hold them. My photo should be in the dictionary under the word "selfish". I had stuffed animals as a child, hated dolls, and now I've surrounded myself with cats, dogs, goats, chickens and pigs and a husband that understands me. Animals are safer, they have no hidden agendas.
    I also have lousy social skills and have to make heroic efforts to care about people. I'm being tested now as my 85 year old mom is living with us while recuperating from an illness. I'm just not the nurturing type. This is requiring moment by moment walking on my prayer bones at the moment....
    I've actually "felt" the love of God or love for God very few times. But since I became a Christian I haven't anywhere else to turn it seems. It's like taking the pill in the "Matrix", no going back. Despite feeling skanky about it from time to time, I'm pretty sure that God thinks I'm cool anyway. He knows that I couldn't fit into someone else's mold even if I tried.
    BTW, I don't post everyday. Not enough to say.